As I lay in my hospital bed pondering, I glanced out of the window where I could see hospital staff participating in a walk-a-thon around the grounds. My thoughts turned to baby names. We hadn't chosen a name for a boy and this caused me some distress. It had been important to me that each of my babies be born with a name. Several months earlier, Andy (9) had suggested that we pick a name for the baby that started with A and ended with Y. His reason made sense, Jeffrey (7) and Jeremy (3) both started with J and ended with Y, so he concluded that the new baby should have beginning and ending letters like his. One day soon afterwards as Mike and I were enjoying a lunch date at a Sizzler in downtown Salt Lake City, a darling little girl toddled over to our table and stopped and stared at us. "Ashley..." we heard someone call to her. The two of us looked at each other and simultaneously said, "Ashley! that starts with A and ends with Y." We loved the name immediately (ultimately we ended up choosing the traditional British spelling). We now had a girls name, but did we have a girl?
There wasn't much time to dwell on my thoughts as it was time to be wheeled into the delivery room. Mike and my Doctor (Ray Sumsion) both wore surgical masks which made only their eyes visible to me. At 2:53 pm our baby was born. The moment immediately after the baby was delivered is imprinted in my memory forever. Dr. Sumsion began to laugh and his eyes literally sparkled as he held our baby up for us to see. IT.WAS.A.GIRL!! A beautiful baby girl. We laughed and we cried together. Dr. Sumsion laughed with us and told us that he had never seen a reaction quite like ours before. Ashleigh Ann was here and she was the perfect addition to our family, we all loved and adored her.
From the time of Ashleigh's death I have always pictured her as a young woman living in the spirit world... about the age of twenty-five. So it is significant to me that today is her twenty-fifth birthday... it is also Mother's Day. When those two days coincide it is always a little extra tender to me. I can't help but reflect today on my dreams which were the righteous desires of my heart. I know that the Lord truly did hear and answer my prayers and sent me a daughter. I have been a recipient many times through the years of his tender mercies. Moments where I have been reminded in simple ways that he is aware of me and that he loves me. Even this very afternoon, on Ashleigh's birthday, when I sat down in church and opened the program and read that the closing hymn would be Redeemer of Israel. How do I not smile at that.
On this Mother's Day I am so blessed and grateful to be the mother of Andy and Jeffrey and Jeremy and Ashleigh and Caitlin. I don't know what I must have done in this life or in the pre-existence to have deserved to be the Mother of these five. But I am so glad that I am. And today I add... "happy, happy birthday precious Ashleigh."
"....all the world will never, never know the love I [still] have for my Ashleigh-o...."
6 comments:
I'd forgotten sharing my thoughts on the odds of a fourth boy. And I was right! Do you remember my reasoning that Caitlin would be a girl?
I love your Ashleigh blog! It usually makes me cry, but thats ok. Thank you for sharing. Happy Mother's Day Leslie!
Love this post. It makes me wish I had seen you today so I could have given you a hug for Mother's Day/Ashleigh's birthday.
I thought of Ashleigh several times on Sunday. I hope you had a very happy Mother's Day and of course you do have many reasons to celebrate with all of your wonderful children.
It is interesting to read about your thoughts of having your baby girl. Alan said the same thing to me about tossing the quarter when I was pregnant with Michael. "What are the odds?" Well, clearly for me, the odds were that the quarter would ALWAYS land on the same side.
I definitely remember the day of her birth. It was a great day full of happiness and much excitement.
Oh, Lesley,
I read your last few posts about Ahsleigh and now my face is dripping tears and my lap is even wet.
What a tender way to record such a traumatic, yet sweet time of your life.
When we lived in Bountiful, Dr. Sumsion was my OBGYN too! He delivered my youngest, Camille. He passed shortly after her birth, but I am so grateful for his kindness and professionalism. He was my all-time favorite doctor.
Also, I remembered that your Ashleigh is just a few months older than my Danielle. Dani turns 25 in August. I recall that Tim and Margie always had the kindest, most sincere things to say about Ashleigh and your experience with her and her illness. It always made me think of my own daughter and how I could have possibly dealt with such an ordeal.
You are remarkable! Thank you for sharing such tender and personal thoughts and feelings.
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