The "Worst" Day of the Rest of my Life (part 1)

Isn't she an absolute doll!!! This picture was taken shortly before August 16. You would never know by looking at her that something was brewing. This picture is the epitome of Ashleigh; a beautiful, happy, loving, and loved child.

It was a beautiful morning. The sky was blue and there wasn't a cloud to be seen. It was August the sixteenth, nineteen hundred and ninety, a date that would change my life forever.

It was going to be another busy day for me; my mother-in-law was having surgery and I had been asked to help out at the family deli in Park City, in hers and my father-in-laws absence. I was a little nervous about leaving the kids all day long, Park City wasn't nearby, but... I really wanted to help out. I knew that Andy could take care of things and everything would be fine.

I thought about the phone call from my friend Lori the previous night, I was really being depended on to be in Park City, how could I take the time to go to the doctor? Besides... this morning there was nothing wrong with Ashleigh, she was a perfectly happy, perfectly normal 3-year-old, we didn't need to go see a doctor, but immediately after that thought, these words came clearly into my mind, "you need to take her to the doctor." Those were not my words and I have no doubt, nor will I ever, that the spirit was speaking to me at that moment.

Besides my commitment to go to work at the deli, I had other dilemmas as well. Mike had started a new job exactly six months previously, on February 16. We had new insurance, in fact, up until this point we had never even used it. The sad fact was, we had (what was considered at the time) the worst insurance in Utah. Not only was I not able to take Ashleigh to the Pediatrician that she had been going to since birth, I didn't even know what doctor she would be seeing. I briefly considered just going to our Pediatrician and paying for it myself, but quickly realized that wasn't my best (financial) option, so I made the phone call.

I had many "tender mercies" over the following year, the first one that I will mention happened on this day. When I called the clinic, I was told that the Pediatrician was only in that office one day each week, and that day happened to be Thursday. It was Thursday. I was able to schedule a time to come in, then I made my plan. Andy and Jeff would stay home together, and I would take Jeremy with me and Ashleigh. I couldn't imagine that I would be gone that long, although I did have to drive to Layton for the doctor visit. Here was another "tender mercy", my sister-in-law Bibi was in England and had generously left me her car to use (we were a one car family at the time) while she was gone.

I don't remember the exact times of the events that happened that day (it's a good thing I'm not in a court of law..."Mrs. Leger, where were you at exactly 12:42 pm on the 16th day of August 1990?"), but most importantly... I remember the events.

We arrived at our appointment and were placed in a room where we would see the doctor. When the doctor arrived she examined Ashleigh and then asked me a series of questions. I don't remember ever answering so many questions at a doctor visit before. She then observed Ashleigh as she walked down the hall, her body leaning towards the right as she had been doing for the past several days. I will be forever grateful for this wonderful doctor who was provided to me by the worst-insurance-company-in-Utah (the next summer she actually made a house call... seriously). After her exam, questions and observation she told me that I was to take Ashleigh to St. Benedict's Hospital in Ogden, she wanted Ashleigh to have an MRI (I believe this was the first time I'd ever heard of an MRI), in an attempt to be more specific, she told me, "we are going to look at her head."

What do you suppose goes through a mother's head, when someone tells her something like that? The fear that had been slowly descending on me throughout the entire time we were with the doctor, was now turning into terror. Before we left the clinic, I went to a courtesy phone and made a phone call to my brother-in-law in Park City. I explained to Tony what was happening and what the doctor had told me, "they are going to look at her head" I said, my voice was beginning to falter. "It's going to be alright" he assured me. And I was determined to believe him.

In 1990 there were no cell phones. The reason I called Tony, was so that he could inform Mike (who was on his way to PC) where I would be and what was going on. And the reason Mike was on his way to Park City, was because he was filling in for me... who was supposed to be there.

I left the clinic with my two children and headed for the hospital. My husband was born in this hospital so I knew where it was, except... when I arrived I found that it was no longer a hospital; apparently there was a new St. Benedict's on the other end of town, so we started over. I was in a borrowed car, the gas tank was almost empty, I didn't have more than a couple of dollars with me because I thought I was going to a simple doctor's appointment and would be home before lunch time. That wasn't going to happen.

We were at the hospital for a long time. Ashleigh had to be medicated (asleep) for the MRI and by the time they took her from me I was worn out physically and emotionally. As soon as Jeremy and I were left alone the anxiety of the whole day caught up with me and I was sick to my stomach. We made a mad dash for the restroom.

I have to mention here what a trooper my baby boy was. This was just nine days before Jeremy's seventh birthday, he was just a little boy. He spent the entire day with me without complaining. He must have been confused, maybe even a bit scared... certainly he must have sensed my stress. I'm sure he was hungry as well, we spent what little I had at the vending machines.

Jeremy and I spent most of our time waiting in one of the lobbies. I knew that Mike was on his way and so I waited, and waited... I watched the parking lot through the big glass doors, waiting to see his car arrive. The clear, blue skies that I woke up to that morning were beginning to get dark... a storm was on the way. It felt almost like a sign to me. When I saw Mike's car finally arrive, I ran to the door to greet him. I felt a flood of relief just having him there with me... and having his arms around me. It had started raining.

Now that Mike was there, the three of us went to the radiology department where we continued to wait for Ashleigh's MRI to be finished. I remember when we were summoned to come and get her, she was lying on a hospital table, sound asleep. There was a woman technician/radiologist there giving me instructions... of course she couldn't tell me anything, but I could see it in her eyes. She would look at Ashleigh, and then look at me, and her eyes were full of sorrow. She kept saying to me, "now you're going to take her to your doctor, right?" I assured her that I was on my way to the doctor's as soon as I left the hospital, and her sad eyes again, turned back to look at Ashleigh.

It was mid-afternoon on August 16, 1990. The sky was black and the rain poured down as the four of us left the hospital together. Jeremy rode with Mike, and Ashleigh rode with me, and we headed to Layton where the doctor was waiting for us with the MRI results.

To be continued...